You tell me

Couple days before back for work on next Friday, that means it still next week, but I have been starting get stress, headache, gastritis, etc.

I just can't deny ....
I just can't push myself any longer ....

I have been trying so hard and let myself struggling too much. I don't think that this is worthy to be achieved.

I don't mean that I have been forgetting how much grateful my life is. What should I complain about, actually ? Nothing ... ! I still have a job although I just can't live with in. At least I still have a chance to have my own money. I have a lot of friends who care and love me whatever I am. I have a dozen of adorable cats that always console me 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 30 days a month, 356 days a year ... Alhamdulillah ... See ... ? How grateful my life !

But still, the rejection of my body, is kind of a symptom that I am still a human being. That, no matter how hard I am trying to deal with the reality, I just can't ignore that there is a sign, there is another side of me that I need to listen.

The thing is I just can't push myself more and more. I have to be fair to myself. I deserve to be happy instead struggling my life that seemed not too easy. It means, I do need to think logically that there would be a lot of options in life.

Move on ! Hijrah ! Ikhtiar all the time, as long as you live, ikhtiar is an obligation, it is a must ! The result is another thing. How much you sweating that is caused of trying to change your life, how far you run to get your brighter future, how bleeding you are because of fighting yourself to keep istiqomah (consistence) to seize Allah's blessing ... is more than anything !

So the result, as long as you still live on earth is not the goal. The result is just the impact. Even when your life is too perfect and full of joy, it might just a life examination that people need to concern and face it carefully ....

Well, if I feel too exhausted and tucker with this feeling, it just shows that I am still normal as a human being. I have a passion, I have an obligation as a servant of Allah, and I have been reacting of anything mentally and physically as well. That's all.

As long as I am still alive and health, it means I am okay. Just let it flow, and time will see because Allah will never let me suffer at all .... 



reff : http://ceritafirlly.blogspot.com/2015/07/you-tell-me.html

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