Hi there, it's that time of the year again, August month of holiday 'don come'. Our people have arrived for 'summer' Don't you just love it?
Well I do anyway! Arik Air, Virgin Atlantic and British Airways flying in live and direct from Naija left, right and centre. Then we have the beloved KLM, Air France, Turkish, Emirates, Kenya, Ethiopia and other airlines that do 'that little detour' before they reach 'our backyard aka L'abroad' The UK.
As you pull up at The Arrivals Short Term Car park London, Heathrow (praying you have the right Terminal) no pressure, you are literally 'on timer' as the clock starts ticking; 1st hour parking ?6.50, 2-3 hours ?10.50, 2-3 hours ?13.00, 3-4 hours ?17.00, 4-5 hours ?21.00 and so on and so forth. But we're not fussed are we? After all there is no way Mammi, Popsie, In-law, Besto, Cousin, Friend, Boo, Bae or Foe will have anything to declare, so clearing immigration should be a doodle and speedy process right?
We look at our wristwatch, synchronise time with parking ticket and if you're anything like me start sprinting towards the Arrivals lounge, as for 'me and my house' ?10.50 is the max, there is no way I want to pay more than that for any airport parking runs!
'Anyways' we arrive and our people start trooping out, now how do we recognise our people? Well firstly all our cute little girls have neatly plait hair with 'those' beads and multi coloured adornments and siblings wear matching outfits, be they twins or otherwise! Likewise the mummys' all have neatly corn-rowed hair, single plaits or 'those' 1 million braids (on a serious note, do people still do those braids?? Pretty as they may be those braids are as healthy as rubbing hair removal cream along hairline!!). Also the mummy's are usually 'on' jeans, with TM Lewin white or striped shirt, make-up always impeccable, skin glowing, jewellery on point and hands always well manicured. Another tell-tale sign, our men stroll with purpose, casually and are NEVER to be rushed. Often they have 'that' little clutch bag tucked under their armpit with 'the spending money' (after all "it's all about the Benjamin's baby") Mummy is usually a few steps behind daddy trying to control 'Junior' and help him with his luggage. Scenario I've just described is straight forward because these 'holiday makers' have speedily cleared immigration. This however is not always the case, delays could arise as a result of contraband food items or immigration teething problems. And we are left there stretching our necks hoping next family walking out through those doors are ours.
Now this is how this one goes down; over the years two types of Naija holiday makers have emerged, we have the new breed, this group arrive on our cloudy shores and head straight for their pre-booked 5-star hotels or deluxe apartments. So the way it rolls is, on the off-chance they have not arranged their own taxi ride from airport, worst case scenario is you may end up chauffeuring them to their destination at which point you then kiss, hug and say goodbye. Shikena, end of story!
Possibly you may meet up once or twice during their holiday and you could be invited for a dinner by them or vice versa, they tend to be busy sight-seeing, catching fun and shopping for the duration of their holiday. They very much keep to themselves, having made watertight plans for their holiday from Naija and are seldom reliant on others. Most times you phone them during course of the holiday you will find they're always out and about and/or engaging in some fun activities.
Then we have the other type of Tiwa-Tiwa (home grown) Holiday Makers that stay with family or friends (how many of you have managed to keep a straight face as you read this?).
You just have to love them, it's all about the love.
As you drive out of airport (you've just paid ?13 for parking due to the 'slight' delay over the ponmo, suya, pepper, palm oil and ogi they brought with them) and you arrive home. As you struggle to squeeze suitcase out from the boot, Uncle Holiday maker has left you and strolls into the house casually looking around and saying "Na wa for all "you people's' small London 2 x 6 ft houses" (the real story is you actually live in Hertfordshire, Essex, Kent, Bedfordshire or Surrey popularly known as 'outside London'!) while Aunty stays behind to help you dislodge the 32kg heavy suitcases rammed in the boot.
'Junior' and 'Rhianna' (Naija's have truly started giving their girls such names, not hating just saying!) have also left you to get on with it, walking into your house, looking unimpressed and asking "Is this 'The' London?" they are not used to helping with such chores as back home they have House helps, Oga Sonny the driver, Musa the gateman, Fred the 'Washaman', Felix the Security guard, Paul the Gardener to mention a few!
And then the shananigans begin, more times than not we the hosts would have cooked a fresh pot of stew to welcome our holiday makers....the first surprise however is that Rhianna and Junior do not eat Naija food!! And their parents are so proud to share this useful piece of information with us, like a badge of honour. So next request is 'Aunty I want pizza'!
As a yoruba woman I get kinda confused when my children raised here, know it's the 'done' thing to kneel down (curtsey) and greet their elders while Rhianna and Junior from 'Las Gidi' (Lagos) are totally clueless so literally 'stand on my head' each morning of their holiday when they see me with 'swollen mouth' staring at me. A 'good morning Aunty' would suffice!
Oh yeah another thing (maybe I should call it a new Trend) don't make mistake of speaking your native tongue (language) to these kids either as they will also just stare blankly at you, because guess what my people? They don't understand a word and their parents are also quick to point out 'ah they don't speak Yoruba/Igbo/ Hausa o' this giving them comfort that the over-inflated school fees paid back home are not a waste!
Mind you, what of the Aunty and Uncle Holiday Maker and the rudeness? How can you come and stay in someone's house and complain each day about how small the houses are? Or as my friend that prompted this particular blog pointed out to me, what of the inappropriate and intrusive questions? She was asked one morning by 'Aunty Holiday Maker' in her 'silky nightie' and brightly coloured yellow hair net "So have 'you people' finished paying for this house?" I asked my friend not to be cross and helped her analyse the question (you know I love to analyse!) what the Aunty wanted to prove was that she understood the concept of mortgages and to show she was 'with the programme'!
This same couple would be getting 'jiggy with it' each morning of the holiday (you know our walls are so thin!) and rather than feed Junior and Rhianna they would send the kids downstairs to ask my friend to make their breakfast instead while they continued with their 'bedmatics' as the house walls shook!
Need I mention the lack of appreciation of travel distances covered when providing chauffeuring services, host lives in the suburbs meanwhile Aunty and Uncle Holiday Maker casually want to be dropped at Edgware Road to shop, from there Liverpool St, then Walthamstow market or the expectation that at the drop of a hat host can leave everything to pick them up.
Or what of the uncle holiday maker that would wake up at 3am for praise worship and prayer every morning for one hour shouting at the top of his voice, would have been ok if he did not wake up the whole household in the process and the next door neighbours! Then to add 'dry pepper' to injury, the next morning over breakfast this same uncle would be showing off to my friend and hubby that he was such a great prayer warrior and ask whether they had heard him!
Then let's go there! The endless shopping, no crime in that at all, who doesn't like shopping? But please try to carry your own bags don't expect your host to be lugging them around for you and most importantly get rid of packaging, hangers, clips, pins, shoe boxes, nylon bags from bedrooms before you leave. We find it amusing that the high-end shopping bags from Selfridges and Harrod's are never left behind when you leave, so kindly spare a thought and take the Primark and Poundland ones along with you as well!
Oh yeah another quick observation, on your home bound journey when you insist that we park the car and accompany you to departures for check-in, rather than leaving you at passenger drop-off and driving off. We love to believe you do this because of the affection you have for us and not because you want us on standby to take any excess luggage you may have back to our homes!
Yes on the flip side of coin I acknowledge that when WE travel back home, Aunty and Uncle Holiday Maker are ever so hospitable and go out of their way to treat us like royalty, that however is no excuse, one should not mistake liberty for licence when they come to play the return match on our side of the pond!
So 'should in case' you notice a 747 en-route LOS-LHR with approximately 400 Naija home crowd on board, please spare a thought for all those accommodating hosts out there! We love you all really Xxx
Do blog readers have any other travel advice for our 'August' visitors? (no pun intended)
And on that note thanks for your custom, thank God it's Friday & have a great weekend.
If I cut you off, chances are you handed me the scissors ~ Unknown
reff : http://risibyname.blogspot.com/2015/08/we-all-going-on-summer-holiday.html
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